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Episode 035, “Along Came A Spider…”

X-Men #35, August 1967

In Which We Discover That Xavier May Be Moving Into The Psychedelic Successories Business, That When Numbering Evil Henchmen Never Aim Numerically Low, And That The Number One Problem With Running A Picturesque Bed And Breakfast In A Restored, Old Mill Is The Constant Robo-Arachnoid Attacks!

Episode 034, “War — In a World of Darkness!”

X-Men #34, July 1967

In Which We Learn That The X-Men Have Been Naughty, Naughty Boys, That New York Pay Phones Are Both Phallic and Profane, And That Whether Your Skin Be Pink, Orange, Or Sickly Yellow, It Is All The Same In The Dark!

Episode 033, “Into The Crimson Cosmos!”

X-Men #33, June 1967

In Which We Discover Why The List Of Required Mystical Components For Doctor Strange Always Includes A Sleeve Of Golf Balls, That Licorice Candy Based Bondage Is On The Upswing, And That Andre 3000 May Actually Be A Demon Banished To A Crimson Hell Dimension. Try To At Least Look Surprised.

Episode 032, “Beware The Juggernaut, My Son!”

X-Men #32, May 1967

In Which We Find That The New York Night Club Scene Is Notoriously Lax On Age Enforcement, That To Ride With Satan’s Saints You Must Be Prepared To Dine On An Incline, And That While Technically The Juggernaut Is Unstoppable, Sometimes He Just Can Not Deal With The Hassles of Modern Air Travel!

Episode 031, “We Must Destroy The Cobalt Man!”

X-Men #31, April 1967

In Which We Learn That Having A Pole Off Is Half As Sexy And Twice As Painful As It Sounds, That Warren Is Not Man Enough For A Full Quadrilateral, And That If Jean Does Not Want To Come Off As Too Easy She Should Stop Bringing A Full Change Of Clothes On Every Date!

Episode 030, “The Warlock Wakes!”

X-Men #30, March 1967

In Which We Discover That Hybrid Mythical Creatures Get The Ladies, That The Beast Has A Heartless Mistress and Her Name is Baccarat, And That No One Wants To Hear The Story Again Of How Your Magic Enabled Uther Pendragon to Father His Son Arthur With Igrain, The Wife of His Enemy! Look, We All Did A Lot Of Crazy Things In The Time Of Legends, But The Rest Of Us Grew Up And Got Jobs!

Episode 029, “When Titans Clash!”

X-Men #29, February 1967

In Which We Learn That There Are A Suspiciously Large Number of Revolutionary War Munitions Sites Near The Xavier Mansion, That Underpants Do Not Qualify As A Uniform No Matter How Frosty, And That Androids Like Their Beverages Warm Just Because They Know No Other Way.

Episode 028, “The Wail Of The Banshee!”

X-Men #28, January 1967

In Which We Find That One Should Always Hand Hank The Proper Tool If You Know Whats Good For Ya, That Factor Three Bases All Their Technology On Nipple Play, And That While Banshee May Not Know Art, He Knows What He Likes: Tobacco!

Episode 027, “Re-Enter: The Mimic!”

X-Men #27, December 1966

In Which We Discover That Long Distance Vault Diving Is The Sport Of The Future, That Most Future Technology Can Not Be Shared In Polite Company, And That One Should Always Check Whether The Man Of Your Dreams Has Any Brothers. Play The Odds, Ladies!

Episode 026, “Holocaust!”

X-Men #26, November 1966

In Which We Learn That Early Morning Telepathy Could Be A Million Dollar Idea, That The Professor Likes To Pretend He Has Marvel Girl Pants, And That It Is Essential To Prevent Icy Build-Up On All Of Your Solar-Powered Snake Stelae!