Episode 117, “Too Late The Heroes!”

X-Men #134, June 1980
“Too Late The Heroes!”
Written by Chris Claremont, Pencils by John Byrne, Inks by Terry Austin, Lettered by Tom Orzechowski, Colors by Bob Sharen, Edited by Jim Salicrup, Editor-In-Chief Jim Shooter.

Heck It, We’ll Do It Live Action!

In Which We Learn That Wolverine Ain’t Heavy He’s My Mutantly-Enhanced Mass Brother, That Beneath Colossus’ Metal Skin Beats The Heart of An Easily Distracted Poet, And That If Storm Hears One More “Let It Go” refrain from Nightcrawler, He’s A Dead Elf!

Always Avoid Any Power Sharing Agreement With Jean Grey!

Marvel Comics (then Timely) first entered the world of live action cinema in 1944 with its Captain America serial. This Captain carried a gun and had no shield, but it would take more than 40 years to make it back to the silver screen again… for 1986’s Howard the Duck.

Marvel then jumped into television in the late 70’s with a series of shows and made-for-tv movies:

Spider-man launched with a movie in 1977 which hit big enough to continue with two television seasons (14 episodes total).

Other properties were less successful. The Doctor Strange movie hit the air in 1978 to miserable ratings, although it might not have been wise to go up against the Roots mini-series.

Captain America got two bites at the made-for-tv movie apple: Captain America & Captain America II: Death Too Soon, both released in 1979. At least this Captain got a shield, even if it was a plastic one.

Without a doubt the biggest hit of this early CBS live action experiment was The Incredible Hulk. With its two co-stars Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno playing the two separate sides of the Dr. Jeckyl/ Mr. Hyde title character. The show ran for five seasons (1977-82) and 82 episodes. So beloved, it managed to spawn three follow-up made-for-tv movies in 1988, 1989, and 1990. The movies provided an opportunity for Marvel to try and introduce other characters: Thor (upper right, with Stan Lee) and Daredevil (below), a design that is nearly identical to the one used in the very successful 2015 Netflix Daredevil show.

Lord I loved the opening credits! You will not like him when he’s angry, damn straight!

Possibly the most infamous Marvel movie fiasco was Roger Cormon’s Fantastic Four, a film so bad it has never been released. But don’t take my word for it. A documentary about this strange filmic miscarriage has been created, titled Doomed, and will be released later this year (VOD, I believe).

First bow to your partner. Then bow to the line.. Now do-si-do your sex concubine!

Don’t sign anything, Shaw! I grabbed enough henchmen to pay off the mortgage and save the farm!

It wasn’t the first time Pierce had been hit in the back of the head with a laser dick.

The giant beetle falling from the sky startled the maid who then SPILLED MY GAD DAMN DRINK!

Try as he could, Leland could not turn the panel 90 degrees to save himsel


Dollars to donuts, Hank is hiding some really nasty porno mag inside that tome.

Both men insisted that their exercises blasted the most core. No need to declare a winner. Just drink those hard bodies in.

Little is written on Storm’s gruesome dandruff acceleration powers.

Once you get interstellar dust in your pants, there is just no washing it out short of a supernova.

Damn girl, you be getting your omnipotent swirl on!

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