Episode 089, “Where No X-Man Has Gone Before!”

X-Men #107, October 1977
“Where No X-Man Has Gone Before!”
Written by Chris Claremont, Pencils by Dave Cockrum, Inked by Dan Green, Lettered by Sam Rosen, Colors by Andy Yanchus, Edited by Archie Goodwin

Legion’s Hair Disease?

In Which We Discover That No One Gets Wolverine’s Constant References To Early Silver Screen Comedic Duos, That You Haven’t Seen An Old Boys Club Until You Have Seen An Old Boys Club Entirely Composed of Insect Men, And That Xavier’s Embodiment Of All His Psychic Energy, Potential, and Focus Is Kind Of A Man-Slut!

Sure, The Double Spiked Tongue Is Off-Putting At First But Believe Me, Try A Bifurcated Smack And You Will Not Go Back!

The original appearance of the Legion of Super-Heroes in the April 1958 edition of Adventure Comics, #247. It establishes they are from the future and have based their League on the historical heroics of Superman. Lightning Boy later gets a (minor) upgrade to Lightning Lad.

By the early 1970s the popularity of all the Boys, Lads, and Girls in the Legion of Super-Heroes had faded quite a bit, at least until Dave Cockrum (with writer Cary Bates) came along and breathed some sexy new 70s life into them. Up front are the key members, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, and Saturn Girl, changed quite a bit since the 1958.


Left) A few more characters from the Cockrum era not pictured above, Wildfire, Shadow Lass (blue skin), and Timber Wolf, whose hair Cockrum loved so much that he transplanted it to Marvel’s Wolverine. Also pictured: Saturn Girl, Matter-Eating Lad, and Braniac 5. Right) The controversial Mike Grell costume redesign for Cosmic Boy. Who would have thought we would miss the pink?

By the 80s the Legion had grown immensely in size and complexity, becoming a super-hero soap opera on steroids. This image, courtesy of Keith Giffen and Larry Mahlstedt, is representative of the era of writer Paul Levitz who, along with Giffen, really defined the 80s Legion that is considered by many to be its greatest era.

The wedding of Bouncing Boy and Duo Damsel, from Superboy #200, drawn by Dave Cockrum. Supposedly Dave asked to keep this piece of art and was refused by DC management, contributing greatly to his decision to leave DC Comics and head to Marvel, where he revitalized the X-Men and placed them on their path to becoming one of the most valuable franchises in comics.

The Imperial Guard of the Sh’iar (see pictures below for the actual images from X-Men #107) is a blatant homage/parody/rip-off of the Legion of Super-Heroes that Dave Cockrum had been working on before leaving DC Comics. Above we see side-by-side DC Comics’ Lightning Lad (left) and Marvel Comics’ Tempest (right).

As a prank, the Jarvis resignation letter from Iron Man #127 was actually switched with Dave Cockrum’s real resignation letter by simply changing ‘Marvel’ to ‘Avengers’ in the text. Neither Cockrum, Marvel, nor Tony Stark (fictional) were much amused.

Where are they? How about inside the greatest Coat Rack Factory Outlet in the Universe!

Hold it right there, Cyclops. I know you love her, but no way is that just two months of salary.

Dentist Colossus fears no beast, but even he will hesitate before taking on an underbite of this magnitude.

Wolverine’s intense portrayal of Stanley Kowalski in the Broadway revival of “A Streetcar Named Desire” would have garnered him a Tony if not for a highly unprofessional Blanche Dubois.

Lilandra’s look of utter shock and horror? Let’s just say that is not actually a sword in the Insect Man’s hand and leave it at that.

Ah, a brilliant recreation of the classic 1930s era pulp magazine cover, containing both the hideous Lovecraftian Nether Beast and the Bondage Damsel awaiting rescue by some hero archetype. This provokes an immediate juxtaposition of the oncoming postmodern morality of the present day with the repressed Puritanism of a bygone era…. Ah who am I kidding?

Tee hee! Needle boobs!

These competitive eating contests are even crazier off world.

Please adjust your programs: Tonight the role of Corsair, normally portrayed by 70s icon Charles Bronson, will instead be played by the young Mr. Freddie Prinze. Fear not, as always, playing the role of Ch’od will be the great Abe Vigoda.

Jean had told them to spit out their gum BEFORE Stargate travel. I mean, just look at her hair!

Dr. Corbeau did not seem to understand the concept of a bedtime story.

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